My front porch is a slaughterhouse.

Alright so pumpkins are up. I tried to do two but one fell apart so thats fucked but the other is cool. The first one I wanted to look like the tentacle guy as shown:



But yea, I kinda got drunk that night and when I went to finish the tentacles the next morning they were all soft and impossible to work with. So he ended up looking like:



Which isn't bad considering the circumstances. The face turned out alright. The rest fell to shit.

So the second one I had to do in one sitting which took a couple hours and I had Natalie tell me what to do on this one. So she picked Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas. So here's the picture she gave me:



And here's how it turned out:








And there you all go (I told you I could do it Natalie, you had your doubts). Have a sweet halloween everyone. Get drunk and eat candy.

Flush twice. The kitchen is a long way down.

It has only recently occured to me that my cat is using me for kitty treats.

A horse is a horse of course of course.

Last night I had a dream where a zombie plague broke out and me and dan and jim became zombies and the only way to stay alive was to keep a disembodied shrunken clown head alive. This clown head told us what to do to stay alive. So we were leaving my house and we were all pale like but we were zombies who could talk so you didn't know we were zombies unless you looked up close at us. Anyways, the head was getting pale and blue and I told the guys "fuck man, you gotta keep that shit on ICE or else its gonna fuckin die on us". As I said this, we were walking by an old couple, the man looking at us queerly unsure if we were zombies. It was at this point when I realized "Holy fuck, I'm undead. I should be feeding on the living!" So as the guy turned around I began stumbling in his direction and I went to take a bite out of his neck. He pulled out some mini revolver from nowhere and then I bit off his arm so he couldnt use it and then proceeded to feast on his neck. It was at this point that dan met the same realization and began to chase after the woman. The dream ended here of course. Things always end when theyre getting interesting.

Why am I so tired at only 10:45pm?

Alright, so I haven't been keeping up with myself on this site. I figured I should leave some sort of mark on it cause it occured to me that my last post makes me look like im giving up from the bleug. And that is just not true, I've got a bit of fight still left in me. I'm just saying this site makes me think like a dumbfucker/walking hard-on/rodeo clown.

But yea. Life goes on I suppose. I can safely say that I am extremely tired and I cannot think all to well right now and I am moderately hungry. If I am going to draw some nonsensical shitar, it will be now. So lets see what I can do:

Yam.

I think my creative genius is withering away on this bleug.

Sometimes when the mind wanders, it steps into a bad neighbourhood and goes to stripclubs while drinking Colt 45.

Something to tickle your curious bone.

If you haven't already died laughing, then maybe you aren't cool like all the other dead people around here.

So ok. There's a sinking boat right? And the only survivors are a physicist, a chemist, and a mathematician. So they take their life boat to a deserted island and they haul off a huge box full of food that was in the boat. So these three guys get together and say "We're experts in our fields. We should pool our thoughts together to try and open the box."

So the physicist steps up, draws out his little vector diagram and height and weight and mass calculations and finds a rock that would create the greatest force by throwing it vertically and letting the force of gravity break it through the box. He tries this many times and it doesn't work. So he walks off to find something else that might.

The chemist steps up with these different plants he found, and tries mixing them together to try and create an acid to burn through the box. Unfortunately, this doesn't work either. So he walks off to try and find something else.

By the time the physicist and chemist come back to try something else, they find the mathematician eating all the food. So they ask him "How did you open the box?"

And he responds:

"I just assumed it was open."




..heh heh..i slay me.

Math jokes are only funny if you have no sense of humour.

So there's a polynomial party right? Ok, so all the x squareds and the x cubes are dancing around, having a good time. Y is funnelling a few beers. Theta is smoking pot. And Phi is totally down with all the ladies. But e^x (e to the x) is sitting all alone in the corner by himself doing nothing. So d/dx comes over to e^x and says to him "Hey dude, why're you just sitting here all alone? Why don't you come over here and differentiate with the rest of us?"

And e^x responds:

"Why bother?"




HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA



What? You don't get it? How can you not get it? It's hilarious!

Oh god no, I can only do vector calculus drunk.

I have arrived at the horrifying revelation that I can only do problems from my vector calculus course when I've chugged a couple beers. This isn't good because it will give me the idea that I should walk into the midterm with a moosehead in each hand, and that is wrong wrong wrong. Almost as wrong as walking in with a beer in each hand (it occured to me that I set myself up for a perfect pun so I took it and laughed. Laughed all the way until the cows came home.)


BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

(Pretend this bracket is a cow.) It should now be home.


Uhm. Yea.

So I've decided that since I have absolutely nothing to write in this blog, I'm gonna start leaving a notepad beside my bed again and write down my dreams because we all know how amusing those can be. Its the most fun when you dream in cartoon form, and you are Spongebob and all your friends are Squidward and you finally realize why he's bitter all the time.

Then of course you wake up at this point with a tentpole and try to take a whizz and you forget all about it. But not me. I have the power of PAPER on my side. PAPER, one of my many ways of permanently recording your ideas. Unless of course you live with a person who eats a lot and leaves food around all the time and wakes up frequently in the night and knocks gravy over on myself and all my homework.

Fuck it's going to be hell studying for that one...

The curse of Rosie O'Donnell's thighs

Quite terrifying.

And yea I just came onto my site like I do with every other expecting new stuff and all and I was disappointed to see the old entry from weeks ago. but then I realized, shit, I'M the one who updates this cornhole backstreet whorehouse of a BLEUG! So I'm gonna do what I can to stay with it. You know. Dance all funky like with the shimmery shiny clothes and the big collars. Yea I'm down with that. So here's a couple pictures of my zombie self from that day oh so long ago when I was partying down, then later pulled over by the cops in full zombie attire (man I wish I took a picture of their expressions. how I wasn't jailed I'll never know)



However I had to rip the meaty bone out of its socket since it was smelling and nobody liked me. I am like a sponge. I rip it off and it grows right back.



and for all you baby-eating freakjobs out there, here's a nice closeup. (look at the strewn meaty pieces look!!)



Which reminds me that halloween is coming up. There shouldn't be a holiday that lets children go door to door in my neighbourhood. Because my collection is running low and all. You know. Well I doubt you do, but I assure you it's real horrorshow.

And with that, I'm gonna have to bury myself back in the thinly sliced remains of a brutally murdered tree. May all the lost oaks rest in peace.