Winnie the Pooh shot JFK.

http://www.freewebtown.com/Peterhawrysh1/gallery/108066/aud-109941.mp3
(Open it in a new window)

So there's a little taste of me this morning. (By the way, I'm well aware it's 2 o'clock. My sleeping pattern are fucked up again) Anyhow, last night the dream was that I was with my sister and for some reason we were visiting natalie in a haunted house cause thats where she lived and my sister gave me a pack of red playing cards and said whatever you do, don't lose these. So I clipped them to my belt and made sure I didn't. When I went into the house, for some reason I started drinking a lot of absinthe and freaking out and thinking the drapes from the windows were bats trying to attack me so I was all fucked, and then one of those house of the dead game thingys you see at playdium appeared out of nowhere and we all started to shoot up the zombies. Then there was another part where I was george costanza from seinfeld but I don't exactly remember too much of what I was doing there, so I'll stop here. Perhaps I'll have to start taking memos in my sleep.

Does anyone know how to...

...post music on this site? I'm gonna have a song to accompany every entry cause the newly deceased bloggers are bringing me down and I need something more to the site to keep me content with blogging. Not to say that I'm quitting or anything, heavens no. On that note, don't think I stopped over the next week or so cause I'm going on vacation to whore island (http://immoderation.com/2005/05/whore-island-just-like-fiji-only.html) and I'm going to have a bang up time (pun action right there).

So yea, just so the point of this entry isn't forgotten; music, site, how?

A fool and her money are soon parted.

How come the cereal companies don't put the prize inside of the cereal anymore? I thought the whole point of the prize was being a PRIZE! Not just for opening the fuckin' box and hey look, its a watch with a picture of the lion from Madagascar that MOVES!!! I remember back when I was knee height, I would secretly dig for the prizes while dad wasn't looking. I'd get a huge bowl and fill it with Count Chocula or Frosted Flakes and steal the prize, and fill the box up again and let it sit for a year or so till it goes stale. Mind you I was also the kid who filled his pockets with mashed potatoes when his father wasn't looking because his father wouldn't let him leave the table until his plate was spotless. So I wouldn't exactly take anything that I do to be a typical little kid stereotype, unless everyone else put cauliflower in their socks. (Fuck this is one funky watch!) The problem with the now though is that as I'm typing this, my Nesquik cereal in chocolate milk is getting soggy. So I will have to continue this some other time.



Toodles.

Traffic will wait for me if I want it to.

So I had to wake up early today to beat the friends to a bar for a job because I've lowered myself to the level of desperation where its job or bust right now. So I'm driving really slowly in my uninsured car that has about 340,000 km on it and is ready to lose all 4 wheels. I'm waiting at stop lights not bothering to creep up any further for people to turn right as a tease. And I make it to my bar, and I find the guy I was looking for, who I was expecting to be some sketched out short thin white guy, but turns out to be some tall foreign character (Mo = Mohammed, who woulda thought) and he obviously had no interest in someone else working there since he was looking at some chick play pool the whole time. That and the only thing he heard me say is "Steve Little" since I made reference to him in the back. Hopefully that'll do the trick.

Anyhow, I was drifting down the road slowly with my jack johnson tunes rollin, and I see my cousin at a stoplight reading something and I think to myself "Wait a second, Steve doesn't read that much, I wonder what he's looking at" So the light goes green and I'm thinking maybe its that system cd that may or may not be out already. Maybe its

HOLY FUCKING JESUS CHRIST MOTHER FUCKER SHIT FUCK SEINFELD DVD!! TODAY IS MAY 17!! FUCK I MUST HAVE IT!

So I barrel to the right across 5 lanes through traffic to the light which is about 50 feet in front of my 60 km/h moving jeep and I make a 180 blazing to the nearest dvd store, where I spend money that I don't have to buy this precious season 4 dvd.

Oh so so so very precious. So I'm gonna go make myself a big assed sandwich and park myself in front of the box, knowing selfishly that I am the only guy who is watching it now since nobody else can make an impulse purchase like me.

Sometimes I still keep one eye open after I've supposedly gone to sleep just in case my stuffed animals come to life.

This is probably the best idea of a blog I have ever seen. It's a stroke of genius, and I'll bet everyone reading it has at least one thing in common. Pretty much, it's a site where people write an annoymous secret on the back of a postcard and mail it to the author. I've never felt so united with faceless people in all my life. Some are kind of disturbing, you'll see what I mean.

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

Life would be so much better if it was a broadway musical.

So I'm proud to announce that my strange random dreams are back in business. The past few nights have just been all over the place in my mind and I've been waking up in confusion thinking I'm leading another life. This is good for the dreams. Last night, I dreamt that me and my sister decided to make a broadway musical out of A Nightmare Before Christmas and I was to be Jack. When you think about it though, that could actually work. It's already a musical as it is so all you need are some real people actors, a crazy set, and a crowd of annoying ladies in the background as the chorus and you're set. There's your play. That idea could actually work. The children are throwing snowballs instead of throwing heads.

Wouldn't life just be so much better if it were a musical? I mean you'd wake up and some yawny music would start as you stretch, and it would slowly pick up the pace as you go through the day. Of course, every time you lie or you're trying to pull a move on some girl, the music would be a dead giveaway and all smoothness would be gone. The world would become brainless and we would all dance around like happy go lucky puppies.

I'll get the stereo ready and you find us some costumes and we'll sing and dance the night away.
Thursdays can be disco nights.

Neurotic man and slushie boy go platinum.

Our heroes fight crime on a day to day basis. In and out of day and week they put their lives on the line for us. Our heroes are out at sea fighting the evil coral reefer (the worst drug pusher of them all!). They outmatch the freezing terror of our ice cream man (currently behind bars). They even can withstand the horrors of dirty toothbrush man (gingivitus gun sold seperately). But there is one thing that our heroes have not yet encountered. One thing that they have no experience in like any other man would. We join our heroes as they battle...


HOMELIFE!!!!!!!!!!



























END!

I suppose some conflicts may never be resolved.

Life down south.

If i could be in an episode of south park, i'd probably be some chainsaw wielding psycho zombie boy. So i'd imagine that would probably look something like this:



Make yours here: http://images.southparkstudios.com/games/create/

Seattle, the pesto of cities.

Does anyone else feel very very very violent when they're watching an old navy commercial? I mean, sure it's spunky and fresh and young and all those things old people want to feel again, but nobody is ever that happy, not even on drugs. I mean, fuck, I've only spontaneously broken into song and dance once, and it was nothing like that. It was the wizard of oz song, I was young and stupid, and it lasted for about 5 seconds. It was more of a gallop than a dance really. Yes, very young and stupid. I don't want to tell you again. A bunch of attractive young teenagers dancing around in bathing suits, hey we're building a sandcastle and surfing, we're having a good time!!!!! Then that's when Robocop and Judge Dredd come along and spoil the party. Those bulletproof prices can't stop this face.



I AM THE LAW!!!

Yea, we really need to get some authority down in those old navy commercials. If it wasn't for commercial censorship, those parties would be OUT OF HAND!

Out of fucking hand I tell you!

The maladjusted adventures of neurotic man and slushie boy (now in colour!)

Last time we saw our heroes they were being thwarted by the sinister teletubby minions of the evil ice cream man's ingenious (yet evil) plan for whatever it was he was planning. Turning the world's water supply into an unquestionably large amount of frogurt let's say. Anyhow, here's where they go from there.

And for those of you wondering, yes, I am still unemployed. The man is still keepin me down.


(fudgesicles!!!)











(At this point, slushie boy strategically hides behind a washing machine and an awkwardly positioned box of rattlesnakes.)





(Yay, my underpants are done!)

















(my fudgesicle melted)

END!

and with any luck, that is the last we will ever see of neurotic man and slushie boy.

The further adventures of neurotic man and slushy boy.

WILL NEUROTIC MAN SURVIVE THIS PUNISHING ONSLAUGHT OF COLOURFUL CRIME???? WILL EVIL ICE CREAM MAN GET AWAY WITH HIS DIABOLICAL PLAN???? WILL PETER FIND A JOB AND END THIS SHORT LIVED SERIES??????? TUNE IN AND FIND OUT!! (same manic time) (same manic channel)

THE ADVENTURES OF NEUROTIC MAN